4 is the New 3

I'm still alive.

And actually, it wasn't bad at all.

Actually, it was great.

Turns out, 4 isn't much different than 3.

We just have a little mascot we're toting around with us now.

It seems like every time people find I have 4 kids, they want to know, "is it much harder to go from 3 to 4?"

Obviously I have not been doing this long enough to give a real answer, but I do know that thus far, 2 to 3 was much, much harder than 3 to 4.

For one thing, this time I have older kids.  

Last time I had a just 4 and just 2 year old.

I had 2 in diapers.

2 year olds are not very good at waiting for mommy to feed the baby before they get their breakfast.

But older kids get that.

Last time it seemed harder to keep track of everyone.

This time I don't have to worry about little boys running off.

They know the rules and most of the time, they obey them.

And all those things that seem overwhelming or stress inducing the first, second or even third time around, I've done before.

With experience comes confidence.

I can nurse a baby anywhere.

Temper tantrums?

Been there.  Done that.  I know how to deal with those bad boys.

Crying baby?

Doesn't bother me.

No time to finish a task, sentence, or thought without interruption?

Been doing it for 7 years.  I'm pretty used to it now.

I think this is like any other job.

You get better at it with practice.

But for the most part. the biggest difference is me.

More than ever, I realize, that I am the one who sets the tone for the day, the outing, or the task at hand.

My kids know when I am faking it.

It's pretty convicting when my 2 year old says to me, "make a happy smile, Mommy," because she knows the smile I have on is not real.

If, instead, my heart is cheerful and ready to accept the day with all its interruptions and derailed plans, and just make the best of it, we are all so much happier.

"Rejoice in the Lord always." Philippians 4:4

So yesterday started with donuts.

We had no groceries for breakfast.
Poor planning on my part.
A nap after church and a trip to the beach sounded so much better than grocery shopping.
I embraced it, and before heading to the store, we got donuts for breakfast.
Besides, we were all feeling a little low that Daddy was back at work.
And sprinkles do a world of good when you're feeling low.

Then, to the grocery store with all 4.
There have been times when I have put off shopping until evening because taking all the kids wore me out.  
At the end of this pregnancy, for example.
But for the most part, my kids go where I go because that is the way we have to do things.
We're a team.
Still.
I admit to feeling some trepidation at my first attempt.
So I gave them a pep talk.
I'm big on pep talks.
"This is our first trip to the store with Davy.  I need you all to be my helpers. We're a team"
Given the opportunity to help, they really want to.
James offered to push the cart.
William offered to load it,
Lilly was so excited that she finally got walk instead of ride, that she held onto the cart the whole time just as I asked her to.
Team work.
I was proud of them.


Also, it never hurts to strategize.
We went early.
No one was hungry.  No one was tired yet.  No one was cranky yet.
Because any kids with those problems can send everyone over the edge.


The rest of the morning went well.  
Things move slower with a new baby in the house.
There is more waiting for our own needs to be met because someone else's needs come first.
It can be a hard lesson to learn, but so valuable.
And there is more responsibility placed on our shoulders.
We have to watch out for each other and take care of each other.
We're all in this together.

So when they wanted to go to the beach, I agreed.
But only if we got everything ready and packed up before Davy's dr. appointment.
They jumped to it.  Davy got his check up.
And then I took these 4 to the beach for the afternoon.
By myself.
And it was great.  

The only hard part was making sure this girl didn't go out too deep.
She didn't see the problem with going deep.
And she assured me, passionately, "I AM A GOOD SWIMMER!"

Thank goodness for sleepy babies, slings and snacks for "good swimmers" to eat while I am feeding the baby.
Here's hoping today will be just as great as yesterday.
But if it's not, I am ready to roll with it.
And, in case you were wondering, I think that 4 is the new 3.


Love from,
Greta

Back To Reality

Aaron has been home with us for the last 2 weeks.

Today he goes back to work.

And we go back to reality.

We have all enjoyed every minute of it.

Really, really enjoyed it.

Having him home for so long has been heavenly.

This kind of heavenly.

We went to the beach 3 days in a row.
Just because we could.
Having dinner on the sand, staying until sunset and loving being together.
Bliss.


Aaron has not taken 2 consecutive weeks off since before James was born.
The last time he had more than a week off was when he was in grad school, I was a teacher and we had summers off.  
That was the life.
We took 5 weeks and traveled through Europe.
Then we got pregnant with James, he got a full time job, I started staying home and life was different.
Don't misunderstand. 
I am so grateful for Aaron's job and that we decided long ago that I'd stay home with our kids.  We want this life.
But I also really, really appreciated spending these last 2 weeks with him.
We all did.

And, all of you who have husbands who are teachers and get to enjoy summers off with your man, well, let's just say I am a little jealous of you right now.
OK.  A lot.
Because, I like to be with my man.
And having an extra set of hands around to help with the little people isn't so bad either.
Who am I kidding?  It ROCKS!

I like having someone to swim to the buoy with the boys,
I can't really leave Lilly and Davy on the beach while I swim out to sea.
I like afternoons spent building Lego space stations,
I'm not much of a Lego builder.
I like a Daddy who will take his kids for a hike with the moms and kids in our home school group.
I wasn't quite ready to do hikes yet.
I like sleeping in.
Napping.
Going out to breakfast in the middle of the week.
Going out on dates in the middle of the week. (thanks mom and dad!)
Having another adult to talk to all day long.
I liked Aaron getting to spend so much time with Davy.

In the past, he's taken only a few days off after we've had a baby.
When I get home from the hospital, he's back at work.
But this time he decided to be home for a while.
He knows we'll never have this time back.
So he used his vacation time to stay home and take care of all of us.

I think it was a pretty wonderful of him.
And, despite the fact that we stayed home and just lived life as usual, it was still a wonderful 2 weeks.
I am grateful.

Today will be a bit of an adjustment, I'm sure.
For all of us.
Because they love their Daddy more than anything in the world.
He makes life good.

And I love my husband more than anything in the world for the exact same reason.

Life is just better when he's around.

"Happiness is being married to your best friend."

What a great way to start our days as a family of 6.

Thank you Aaron, for giving so much of yourself to us these past 2 weeks.

And now, I'm counting down the days to the weekend!

Love from,

Greta

2 Weeks

Last night as I was giving Davy his midnight snack, I looked down at my sweet little boy and thought, "2 weeks ago right now, I was in labor with you.  I didn't know who you were.  I didn't know how much more beautiful the world would be with you in it."

It has been an amazing 2 weeks with him.

How can I be so fully in love with this tiny person who has only been with us for such a short time?

Babies are a miracle.

He sleeps a lot.  A whole lot.
That is fine with me.  I know it won't last.
When he's awake, or asleep, he loves to be held.
That is fine with me.  I know it won't last.

The other night, I was laying on the couch with Davy sleeping on my chest and I told Aaron how different it was this time.
"I just want to lie with him like this for as long as I can."
It is my favorite place to be.
Our favorite place.
I feel so much more peace (most of the time) about letting things go and just holding my baby.
By now I know, I really understand,  how fleeting this all is.
And I want to cherish every moment.
Aaron smiled at me and said, "that boy is going to be S.P.O.I.L.E.D."
"I am terribly afraid you are right," I smiled back.

When I had James, I was so intent on getting him on the perfect schedule, getting him to sleep on his own, making our lives, just so, you know, perfect, that I missed out on a lot of the quiet moments you have with a newborn.

I didn't know then what I know now.

Granted, James is now my best sleeper.  

But I just don't want to be that intense anymore.

I want to stress less about schedules and simply enjoy these days with my little Davy boy.

Besides, I know soon enough we will be back to a regular routine, working around nap times, and busier days.

It feels good to slow down for now.

I don't do that enough. 

Thus far, that is one of my favorite things about doing this the 4th time.

I have finally learned to relax.

A weeks worth of bilirubin tests?  No big deal--I am sure it will be fine. (it is)

No poop for 4 days?  I've had other newborns go 10--I'm not worried. (he pooped)

Baby just wants to be held right now?  That's fine.  I'll hold him. (i do--a lot)

We'll all sit on the couch together, read books and hold the baby.

It isn't going to last forever.

I am thankful it is summer time and I am allowing myself the freedom to take things slow.

It will be harder next week when Aaron is back at work.

I am trying not to think about that yet because it makes me want to cry.  

Not because I am scared of being here alone with them, but simply because I will miss him.

But I am praying that I will have the strength to maintain this peaceful spirit even when it is just me and the 4 of them.

When they are all clamoring for my attention and all needing me for something and everything.

I'll have to remind myself, "it isn't going to last forever."

I know it doesn't because these first 2 weeks with Davy have flown by.

So right now I will revel in his big hands always trying to find his mouth.

His dimple he shows us when he smiles in his sleep.

Those sounds he makes when he eats, the swallows and gulps, and the way the milk drips out of his mouth when he's done.

Those baby sighs he makes when he's happy.

His soft, soft skin.

His baby smell.

I just love it all.

I am thankful for every moment with him.

He has made our life infinitely better.

Happy 2 weeks, David Vincent.

We love you so.

Love from,

Mommy

Hurting, Healing and The Chronicles of Narnia

God is a great designer.

For example, He knew that a busy mommy might not sit down and care for herself.

She might not rest like she should, and stop herself from doing dishes and sweeping the floor.

But she will sit down to take care of her baby.

And so, in those first days when Mommy so needs to sit, but might not otherwise, there is a tiny person who cries every 2 hours to eat.

And Mommy has to sit.

To take care of her baby,

And thus, she also takes care of herself.

It is a great design.

And it is no accident.

One of my favorite things about nursing, besides being forced to sit when I otherwise might not, is that lots of reading goes on while I feed the baby,
If the kids are busy playing, I get to read myself.  
It's wonderful to have all that extra time to read and not feel one speck of guilt about it.
After all, I have to feed the baby,
But often times, the kids aren't busy playing and they sit down with me and we read together.
There seems to be a need for extra cuddles, and snuggles and Mommy time after a new baby comes home and this nursing/reading time provides that.


We started reading Prince Caspian of The Chronicles of Narnia series right after we were all back home together.
We've read it before and listened to it on cd before.
But somehow, those books never get old.
In fact, no matter how many times I read them, they just get better and better.


In the past year, I have listened to the entire series on cd and read the entire series on my own.  This is my 3rd time reading through them in just one year.
I am a fast reader so this in no big commitment.
It is just pure enjoyment.
And also, it is a lot of balm for pain.


God has used the words of C. S. Lewis, the words in these books to provide so much healing for my aching heart in this past year.  
He has ministered to me as I read of His grace, His forgiveness, His faithfulness and more than anything His deep, deep love for me.
I have known God almost my whole life.
I became a Christian when I was 3 years old.
But when I read the words of C. S. Lewis, in these "children's books" I see God, and Jesus in a whole new way.


This time I could not hold back the tears as I read this scene between Lucy and Aslan:


"She rushed to him.  She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment.  And the next thing she knew was that she was kissing him and putting her arms as far round his neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful, rich silkiness of his mane.
"Aslan, Aslan.  Dear Aslan, sobbed Lucy. "At last."
The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws.  He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue.  His warm breath came all round her.  She gazed up into the large wise face.
"Welcome child," he said.
"Aslan," said Lucy.  "You're bigger."
"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not.  but every year you grow, you will find me bigger."


And He is bigger.  And more beautiful.  And He loves me so very much.
I love the way Lewis shows Aslan loving everyone in those books.
His love is so tender, so dear and so very real.
It helps me understand and feel Jesus' love for me even more deeply.


And then there is this scene with Edmund, the traitor.
He follows Aslan, even though at first he cannot see him.
When he finally does, Aslan says to him, "Well done."  
All is forgiven.  
His past is past and Aslan sees instead what Edmond has done well, not what he has done wrong. 
Such a great reminder, isn't it?


And Susan, who knows Aslan is there, but is afraid to follow him.
"You have listened to fears child," said Aslan.  "Come, let me breathe on you.  Forget them. Are you brave again?"  
We have all been there before, but we only need to come back to Him and find His strength to be brave again.  Oh, to let His breath fill us is strength indeed.


My boys recently told a friend that these books are so good they make me cry.
And they do every time.
In an amazing way, they meet me where I am.
It is a spiritual experience to read them.
I learn about myself and my faith and my relationship with others.
That is some truly powerful writing.

I knew there would be some rough days after the baby was born.
Postpartum can be hard.  It can be very, very hard.
With past pregnancies, I experienced a day or 2 of it, and then it passed.
With my miscarriage, it lasted much longer.
I didn't know what to expect this time.
But I knew I needed to be ready.
I needed to know there would be a day where I'd think, "I can at least fit into my "skinny" maternity clothes."
And I would try.
It doesn't work 4 days after the baby is born.
And then I would lay my head on the steering wheel, crying, "I hate being fat."
Ridiculous, you say.
Maybe.
But at the moment, it felt pretty real and horrible and overwhelming.


But far worse than those feelings are the other feelings: of fear, doubt, frustration and wanting to give into old anger and hurt.
Those are the things I knew I really needed to watch for.
It is hard to hold them back when you have a really good excuse to let it all go.
"I JUST HAD A BABY!  I'M TIRED!  I'M EMOTIONAL!  I'M FAT! I HAVE 4 KIDS AND THEY ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY! I'M OVERWHELMED! I HATE EVERYTHING!"


Have you ever felt that way?
I have.  I did.
It was the day of the me laying my head on the steering wheel and crying.
It all sort of snowballed from there.
After a while, I picked my head up.
I told Aaron how I was feeling.  He let me cry some more.
I was so thankful he was home with me.
I was sure I'd die if he'd gone right back to work like usual.
We prayed together.
And things were better.
Not gone, but better.


And then, through James picking what book we'd read together, God put The Chronicles in my hands again.  He let those beautiful stories bring healing and calm to my stormy soul.
He cares for us so much.
So much that He created a world full of creative people who reflect the Him--the greatest Creator of all.
I am so thankful for books, for stories, for beautiful language and for the people who tell them.
What a blessing.


It is easy to put God in a box. We think He can only minister to us in one way: at church, or when we read the Bible.
But He is so much bigger than that.
He cares for us in every way, from making us sit down to nurse our babies, to giving us great literature to read.
Don't think for a moment that you don't matter to Him.
"Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7




Love from,
Greta

Being the Big Brother

A few days after Davy was born, someone asked William, "so William, do you have a new brother?"

"Yes," replied William.

"What's his name?" they continued.

Says William nonchalantly, "I forgot." 

Yep.  That's our William.  

The king of remembering very few details and forgetting very many.

He can't be bothered with details like which drawer his jammies are in, or if the capri pants he's trying to squeeze into are really his sister's.

Or what his new baby brother's name is.

You'd think Davy didn't matter much to him at all.

But if you thought that, you'd be wrong.

I walked in on this the first day we were all home together.
"I just want to show him some books, Mommy," William explained to me.
"Can I show him more things?"
And he got out toys, puzzles and more books to show his baby brother.


The next day, when I laid Davy on the changing table, Lilly and William wanted to see him get his diaper changed.  They also wanted to show him some of his toys.

It might look like some sort of flogging is about to take place, but I promise, he is a much loved little brother.  He was in no danger.

See that sweet smile on William's face?  He absolutely loves his little brother.

All day long, he's the one who wants to sit next to us while Davy nurses and hold his tiny hands or rub his tiny feet.  "They're so soft, Mommy."

William sits patiently next to Davy whenever he's fussy and helps him hold his pacifier when Davy might try to spit it out.
He gently rocks his bouncy seat.
He takes care of him.

He told me, "I thought I wanted a baby sister for Lilly, but I think I am glad we had a boy because now I can know what it is like to have a little brother.  I think I wanted to have a little brother."

William so adores his big brother.  He relies on him.  He knows James will protect him from anyone and anything.  James is his hero.
I can't help but think that William is going to be Davy's hero one day soon.
It's a good thing to be a big brother.
Especially when you are as good at it as William is.


William, you always steal my heart.
I love you, big brother.
Love from,
Mommy

Now We Are Six

My friend, Rebecca, gave us this book to welcome Davy into to our family.

Isn't it perfect?

I love every bit of it for so many reasons.

Especially because, now we are six.

The kids all came home from the grandparents' the Monday after Baby Davy was born.

Our house went from the calm of 3 people to the chaos of 6.

Instantly, there was more stuff everywhere, so much more noise, lots of people asking for lots of different things--just a whole lot more of everything.

Now we are six.

Of course, that night just happened to be the busiest night ever.

We don't often do activities at night.

Our kids go to bed pretty early.  I need them to, after a whole day with them.

But James' baseball team was having a pizza party and handing out trophies.

He's been waiting all year for that trophy.  We couldn't miss it.

It was also the last night of Cub Scouts.  Graduation night.

James was moving from Tiger to Wolf.  We couldn't miss that either.

So, we quickly got the boys into their Scout uniforms.

I packed snacks.

I fed the baby.

We loaded everyone in the car.

We got in.

We looked back at our minivan filled with kids.

Now we are six.

And, as we so often do when we look at our life, Aaron and I just laughed.
Thirteen years of marriage, of highs and lows, of some very rough parts, and really joyous ones, and there we were, together, with a mini van nearly full of the six of us.
We drive a minivan?
We have four kids and another in heaven?
It was hard to believe.
It felt a little crazy.
We high fived and Aaron said, "can you believe this?"
"We're off on the next adventure!"


There are not words enough to express how thankful I am to be celebrating 13 years with Aaron.  
And for it to be on that day, when we all together, the six of us, for the first time, made it that much more meaningful.
A new life in the midst of our new life.
It is so good.
These verses, again, take on such meaning: 
Isaiah 23: 1-2  "But now, this is what the Lord says--

He who created you, O Jacob,

He who formed you, O Israel:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you:

I have summoned you by name, you are Mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you:

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned,

the flames will not set you ablaze."

He does not say if you pass through rivers, or if you walk through fire, but when.

Because we will all face fire and water as we walk through this life.

We have.

And He was with us.

And here we are.

Now we are six.

Happy Anniversary to us!
Love from,
Greta

Now We Are Six

by A. A. Milne

When I was One,

I had just begun.

When I was Two,

I was nearly new.

When I was Three,

I was hardly Me.

When I was Four,

I was not much more.

When I was Five,

I was just alive.

But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever.

So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.

Baby Moon

Now this might cause some disagreement with my home birthing friends, but I have to say, I love giving birth at the hospital.

We can agree to disagree, right?  Variety is the spice of life and all that.

Perhaps I have just been fortunate enough to have really wonderful experiences every time.

For example, I have had wonderful nurses, every single time.

I have had dr.s who always supported my choices for natural labor, even when it meant pushing for 2.5 hours to get out my gigantic first baby.  

My dr. never said, "I don't think it's going to happen.  Time for a c-section."

Instead, she looked me right in the eyes and said, "Greta, you have to get this baby out.  NOW.  Let's do it."  And we did.

I have been allowed a room full of people to cheer me on and pray with me.

I have never had to share a room as I recovered.

My husband has stayed with me each and every time.

My babies stay with me the whole time and spend almost all their time in my arms.

But the best part about staying in the hospital is that, for a few short days, the rest of the world is cut off, and baby, Daddy and I are in a sort of cocoon.

We just rest and revel in one another while the rest of the world races on outside our window.

Inside, it is calm and peaceful and we relish every minute of our time there together.

Because, like my sister in law so aptly put it, when you get home, there are going to be dishes to wash.

That's just the way it is.

I think this time was even more special than usual.

The days leading up to the birth Davy had been so busy and chaotic, I was even more exhausted than usual.  I needed to rest.

And knowing I was coming home to a house busy with 3 other kids, I wanted the most time I could have to spend with just my newborn baby boy.

I won't have lots of quiet moments with him.

I won't have hours to let him lay on my chest and sleep.

Time for those things will be harder to come by,

It doesn't mean our life won't be full of other wonderful moments.

They'll just be that, moments of a different kind.

So I wanted to make these moments I had with just Davy boy last as long as I could.

I know now how fleeting they are.

Plus, the view outside my hospital window wasn't too bad to look at for a few days.

Aaron's first day and a half after Davy was born was a bit more chaotic than mine.
While the grandparents minded the kids, he came back and forth to the hospital several times.
Friday and Saturday he was there with me and Davy between dr. visits for the boys,  James' last baseball game and cleaning up the house after the kids all went down to Fallbrook to spend the night at my parents.  He stayed with us Friday night but was off to the ball game Saturday morning.


Davy and I just spent a lot of time doing this. 

We both slept a lot.  We got to know each other better.

It was just what I needed.

But everything was so much better when Aaron arrived Saturday afternoon and didn't have to leave again.  We were so happy to see him.
We ate dinner together.  Our hospital offers a special celebration dinner for new parents.  
Steak and sparkling cider.
We watched the lights come on in the harbor.
We rented a movie and watched together from the hospital bed.
It felt like we were on vacation.
It was great.
I'm not kidding.
We had a really great time.
Because, you can have fun almost anywhere if you really want to.

The next morning Aaron brought me coffee (because hospital coffee stinks.  and it's decaf.  what's the point?) and we enjoyed a relaxing morning together.
Hospitality services brought us breakfast--no cooking, no dishes.
I told you, I don't mind the hospital.

When it was time to go, I could not help getting emotional.
I was saying goodbye to labor and delivery, the recovery floor, to this part of my life.
It made me weepy.
The nurses all smiled at me and said, "We'll see you next time!" but I think 4 sounds good right now.
But it is still hard to say goodbye.

As we drove away from the hospital, Aaron said, "are you hungry?"
"Yes, I am.  What do you want to do for lunch?"
"Let's go out."
"Can we take a 2 and a half day old baby out to eat?"
"Sure we can!  This is our 4th kid.  We can do it."
So we did.

We went to one of my favorites, Starling Diner.
Davy slept the whole time.
Our other kids were at the grandparents--we were living it up.
The we came home.
The house was sparkling, there were flowers and a card for me on the table.
The next day was our anniversary--our 13th.
He didn't forget.


Aaron unloaded our bags, my sister in law brought us dinner and we settled down for our fist night home with Davy boy.  

The next day we took him in for his first check up, a blood draw to check his jaundice levels and then went out to lunch again.

It was our anniversary.  We celebrated.

We got coffee and walked around our favorite vintage shop and I nursed Davy in the car.

The whole time we were out we could not help laughing at how easy it all seems now.

With James those first few days, weeks, months even seemed so overwhelming and stressful.

A trip to the dr. required enough luggage for a week away.

There was worry about almost everything.

But now.....it's a piece of cake.

Doing anything with just 1 kid, only a few days old who just sleeps, eats and poops, is completely relaxing.

We enjoyed every minute of it.

The rest of the kids got home late that afternoon and the relaxation, our baby moon, was over.  

It was fun to introduce them to their new brother. (they didn't meet him at the hospital because of the strep that the boys had)

But there was definitely more chaos and disorder and none of those quiet, calm moments we enjoyed together when it was just us 3.

I am so grateful to our parents who stepped in and took our kids, stayed with them, entertained them and shuttled them back and forth to Fallbrook so Aaron and I could have time together with just the baby. 

I didn't worry about them for a minute and was able to fully enjoy my new boy and my man.  How lucky am I?

It was a wonderful couple of days.

I won't forget it.

We'll never have that time again and I cherished it all.

Thank you guys.

Love from,

Greta