This Perfect Life

Someone recently told me that they enjoy reading my blog, but can't help but wonder, "Is it as perfect as it all looks? I mean, you have 3 kids."

Well. Does it look perfect? Good.

I fooled you.

I've said before that I don't want to just post the good days. I do want to remember the days when I've wanted to pull my hair out and the days when everything went wrong. Often those make great memories--afterward. This blog is about our whole life. I know there will come a time when the memories of these days won't be so fresh. I want to remember this perfect life.

And the not so perfect.

So, Angela, this one's for you.

It's 8:50 am. I've been up since 6. I managed to take a shower while keeping Lilly in the bathroom with me, out of the toilet and out of her room, where she wants to go and wake up her brothers. If Aaron gets up first, he always lets me sleep in, so I am returning the favor.

Here's what the rest of my day looks like so far.
Kitchen. Dirty breakfast dishes in the sink. It's not that bad because it is only breakfast dishes, not dinner too. My day goes so much better when I start it with an empty sink. I always try to get the kitchen cleaned before bed.
Dining room. James forgot to clear his plate and glass. William and I played a game of Candy Land at 7 am while Lilly ate her egg, William ate his toast and I drank half my coffee. We left the game out cause he wants to play again later.
My half cup of coffee, now cold. It will be reheated about 4 more times before I finish it. I scanned the Penny Saver for estate sales while playing with William.
Bedroom. My bed is made. I make it right after I brush my teeth.
Kid's room. The boy's beds are not made.
Living room. There is a pile of towels to be folded. Meant to do it last night, but I was too tired.
Back yard. The kids are already outside playing. They usually head out directly after breakfast.
There are toys scattered all over creation, but they are all having fun. Toys can be picked up. And they will be; over and over again.

So that is a good day. Those are the kind of days when I am starting off in the right direction. I'm not too far behind. I can leave and not come home to utter chaos. It's as close to perfect as it gets around here.

And then there's this kind of day.
It's 12:30 am. I am standing in the kitchen looking at this:
A sink and counter full of dirty dishes that I didn't do before I fell asleep with James on the top bunk. I have a crik in my neck cause James was hogging his pillow. I'm starving, because despite all the dirty dishes, I didn't even get to eat dinner.

I took all 3 kids to the dr. at 5 pm.

We weren't done until 6.

I went to the Farmer's Market because a farmer was going to have a flat of cherry tomatoes for me.

It was late and out of the way, but he was bringing extras just for me.

He wasn't there.

We got home late and everyone was starving.

Aaron was cooking the burgers that I'd been craving for 3 days.

The hamburger buns I got 2 days ago are moldy.

Aaron goes to the store for more.

Get every one's plates ready. Burgers are undercooked.

Back on the grill.

Everyone is tired. Cranky. Crying. Skip baths tonight.

Finally sit down to eat my cold burger. Still too pink and now it feels like I am chewing rubber.

I throw it away.

Snap at Aaron. Try to say I am annoyed at the wasted food, but really I am annoyed that he didn't cook the burgers right.

I am being ridiculous. That makes me more irritable.

I fall asleep in James' bed. Wake up to a dirty kitchen and clean it in the middle of the night.

How perfect is that?

I come back a lot to this word: perspective. To some, my life might seem chaotic, dull and seeped in drudgery. To others it might seem joyful, bright and full of love. It is all those things. In the end, it is just a matter of choosing to focus on the beautiful instead of the ugly.

My kitchen window is broken. Apparently our 60 year old glass is made of tissue paper. It breaks if you sneeze near it. Sometimes it drives me insane as I stand there and look at it while I wash the dishes. So I picked some flowers from the garden, perched one of Lil's little wooden birds next to it and look at that instead. Rather than irritation, I feel happiness. My perspective changed.

It doesn't always work like that. But hey, I'm not perfect.