My Sweet Baby James
I can't hear that song without my eyes filling with tears. I can see him, my smiley little baby, with a head full of hair and those big eyes that were taking in the whole world. I can feel him in my arms as I rocked him in his tiny bedroom, and sang to him, my sweet baby James.
He is so big now. I tell him that in my heart, he'll always be my little baby, even when he is a man. And as much as I love to see him growing and becoming more and more independent, more big boy, less little, I hate it too. He doesn't fit in my lap anymore. He's too heavy. I can hardly pick him up. He was in the 95th percentile for height and weight at his 5 year check up. "This boy is solid," said the doctor.
Sometimes I feel like he grows overnight.A year ago he was shorter. His face looked more babyish. He was skinnier. He was only 4.
But now he is 5. And he is not afraid of anything.
If he sees someone else doing it, he will do it too. And, at least according to him, he'll do it better. One thing James is not lacking in is self confidence. The thing of it, though, he is able to do just about anything he sets his mind too. Even if he is afraid, he conquers the fear and goes for it.
There are 2 things he's afraid of: squash and playing games. But he's only afraid of playing games because he might lose. This summer at VBS he told me he didn't play the games. When I asked why, he said, "because I might not be the fastest and then I might lose."
When I told him that if he never played he'd always be the loser, he was quiet for a long time. It is not easy to stump James. That boy might be a lawyer someday. He has an answer for everything.I think it sunk in some, though. Here he is learning how to play football with his cousin. He even did the 3 legged race with William at church a few weeks ago. He likes to be the best, but perhaps he is learning that sometimes it is OK not to be.
He loves tv. As much as he loves being outside, riding his bike, running, jumping, swimming, drawing, reading and talking, if the tv is on, all those things are forgotten. If he doesn't watch it, he forgets that he likes it. That is why it is very carefully monitored in our house. He knows that too much tv is bad for his brain, but its siren song is very strong. "Mom, do you know if we lived in Fallbrook, we could have the Disney Channel?" (We have no channels at all, but both grandparents do and they live in Fallbrook. Lucky."
Far greater than his love for tv is his love for his buddies. James makes friends every where he goes. He does so easily. Every time we are headed to the park, beach, church, even the store, he wants to know, "will my buddies be there?"
James loves life. He has an optimistic spirit and he finds fun in everything. Well, except for picking up toys or going to bed. He is always ready for an adventure. He loves to learn.
He has lots of plans. Plans to be a scientist, an astronaut, an artist and an builder. "Will you be a daddy too?" I asked him. "How can I be a daddy if I have all those jobs? I won't ever be with my kids. Maybe I'll only do 3 of those jobs, so I can see my kids."