Sunday, May 9, 2010

We Never Stop Needing Our Mothers

On my first Mother's Day, James was only 2 weeks old. I had just been released from the hospital. Again.
Just 2 days before, I had watched him through the windows of an ambulance as I was being taken to the hospital. Aaron held him in his arms and I watched them grow smaller and smaller and I have never felt more alone than I did at that moment.

Several hours later, the doctors were unable to stop my hemorrhaging. They gave me an iv and an blood transfusion. Then they prepped for surgery. The nurses kindly let Aaron and baby James stay with me in the ER and even went up to L and D to get a breast pump. They wanted me to feed James before I was out for a while.
So there I was, laying in a hospital bed.  I had an IV in one arm, blood transfusion in the other, Aaron holding James to nurse on one breast and the nurse holding a breast pump on the other.
"This is what it is to be a mother," I thought.

It takes everything you've got. And then some.

Two days later I was laying on my own couch celebrating my first Mother's Day. My mom had come to stay for a few days and her presence made such a difference for my state of mind. I was a new mom and her calm, sure manner with James put my heart at rest.
She bathed him and I watched her cover him with water and scrub him with soap and I knew he wasn't as fragile as he felt.
She rocked him in the rocking chair while we watched one Tom Hanks movie after another.
Aaron brought us scones and flowers from the farmers market.
My world felt safe and comfortable.
My Mom was taking care of me.

A few days later, it was time for her to go home. As I stood on the porch and watched her drive off, I felt almost as alone as I did that night in the ambulance.
I needed her.
I felt so silly, crying about it. I was a grown woman. But it didn't matter.
We never stop needing our mothers.

I've given birth to 3 babies now. It never stops being the most amazing and beautiful thing in the world. I still need my mom to take care of me. Actually, I need her to take care of the other kids so I can rest at the hospital and take care of the baby. 
You never stop being a mom, do you?

My life is full of the love, wisdom and strength of many moms. 
My own, of course. And Cathy, my other Mom. 
Both of them are in the picture above, just minutes after Lilly was born. They are always there for me, in the delivery room and in life.
My mother in law, who gave me the dearest husband in the world.
My sister, who always says yes to fishing, the skate park or the ball field. Even after a full day of work.  She is one of the most giving moms I know.
My sister in law, who taught me that even changing her baby's diaper is an opportunity to play and love on your baby.  It doesn't have to be strictly business.
She is so good at taking advantage of those little moments with her kids.
The moms I knew growing up who loved their kids and loved me because I was their kid's friend.
And all my mom friends, who encourage and inspire me. Who know exactly how I feel after a long night. They keep me going.

Mother's Day is special to me because being a Mom changed my life to a better I never could have imagined. But also because I am blessed by the many Moms I know who show me everyday what real love is.
Mother love--there is nothing like it.

"All I am, or hope to be, I owe to my mother."
Abraham Lincoln

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in my life that I love so very much.
Love from,


katie said...

This is so beautiful. I was admitted to the hospital for lupus complications 3 days after having Luke. My mom and MIL took over all newborn tasks while I was away so Kevin could stay with me. This reminded me of that time and instead of feeling sad for missing out on those first days, I now feel gratitude.

Brooke G. said...

What a touching post!
Momma LOVE is the best :D
I hope you had a great day.