It is overpowering.
It is all encompassing.
It is consuming.
It is is like nothing else in the world.
I thought I knew love. Those heady days of bliss when Aaron and I could talk for hours on end and never run out of things to say. When my heart raced because I thought I might see him walking around campus. When just holding hands nearly made me faint.
It was wonderful.
When we said "I do" and began our life together.
I knew it was forever.
And I knew it was love.
But this, this baby, that was formed in my body, that came out of my body, that I sustained with my body, this, was a love on a whole different level.
I have heard of husbands who are jealous after their first child is born.
I don't blame them.
Sometimes I felt a bit guilty because I was so wholly infatuated with James. My heart was full of James. I was in love again.
It was the start of this journey of motherhood. This journey that is shaping me into the woman I always wanted to be and the woman I know I should be. It is the most important job I will ever have. It is the most difficult job I will ever have. And certainly the most rewarding.
It has opened up parts of me that I didn't know where there.
Being a mother is making me into a better person.
It began that moment when my sweet Mom proclaimed the news, "IT'S A BOY!" and Aaron looked up from the chair he'd been sitting in because he could no longer stand, and we were sobbing, and I kept asking, "is he all right, is he all right?"
And he was.
And they gave him to me and I never believed in God more fully than I did then, when I looked at the miracle that had been given me.
My sweet baby James.
But I like to tell him that he'll always be my baby. Even when he's an old man.
Birthdays are special. They are special for the Mommies because they are the day we remember our lives changed forever.
The day our lives changed for good.
My James, I couldn't be gladder or prouder to be your Mama. I praise God every day for this day, the day you came into my life.
I love you darling.