The other day we took the kids to the park. Sometimes, when I slow down enough to watch them, to really see them, I am shocked to see how big they are getting. In years past, it is about this time that I begin to get a hankering for another baby. And though I know I have my hands full with these 3, there are times that I wonder, is this really it?
Scenes like this don't help. I watch James push his baby sister on the swings and I think, "oh, he needs another baby to love." His relationship with her is so precious. He is at the age where he can really take care of her. He picks her up, holds her hand to lead her out of danger or trouble, and even though he gets frustrated with her for wrecking his lego creations, he is pretty happy with her.
The same thing can be said about William. If Lilly is hurt or upset (and he is not the cause) William is the first to run up, grab Lilly's hand and comfort her, "Bubba is here, Lilly. Bubba is here."
They are all such good friends. Those boys are the first thing on Lilly's mind when she wakes up in the morning. She runs to them for hugs as if they've been apart for days rather than hours. It warms my heart to see the love they have for one another. It is hard not to want to add more love into that mix.
The boys think another baby is a given. They say things like, "when we have another baby... " or "are you pregnant yet?" It is nice to know they don't feel like babies are an intrusion.
But still..... I once asked a few grandmothers in my neighborhood, all mothers of 4 or 5, when that longing for another baby went away, because I was afraid I'd end up with 7 or 8. They all assured me it went away once you hit 4 or 5! But then it came back when that last one hit 4 or 5.
I honestly can't imagine how I'd manage another one right now. Even my Mom, who thinks I can do anything (thanks Mom!) agrees that I am at max capacity right now. Or maybe she just doesn't want to watch 4 grand kids.
I guess it all comes back to these boys, 5 and 3 and becoming independent and big.
And this little girl, who can do whatever her Bubbas do and don't you dare tell her she can't.
The fact of the matter is, no matter how many children I am blessed with, I think there will always be a part of me that longs for another baby.
Because babies are wonderful.
Babies are precious.
Babies are fun.
Babies are sweet.
Because there is nothing in the world that compares to holding a newborn babe in your arms.
I am thankful for my babies.
I am just a little bit sad that they are not such babies anymore.
PS. So this morning, at 7 am, James was asking me incessantly to get him a huge piece of paper to do a huge drawing with help form his new drawing book. I mean, 500 hundred times a minute, at least. William was crying because I wouldn't play Candyland with him. Lilly was screaming because she wanted to eat, but every time I put toast in front of her she threw it on the floor.
This was while they were all asking me to make breakfast because they were starving.
At 7:15 Aaron walked out of the shower, saw my face and asked, "it it a bad day already?"
Another baby? That might put me in a mental institution. Or at least leave me locked in my bedroom hiding under the covers.
Or, if I could just have the baby and then send the others away for a while.
I guess there is nothing like the light of day to slap some sense into you.