Today has been a really hard day. I have been on the verge of tears for most of it. I think the extreme sleep deprivation, the packing up a whole house in 5 days with 3 little ones under foot, and the complete chaos of my life might have a little something to do with it. But only a little something.
You see, what it really is, is that I am saying goodbye.
I was talking to my landlord today and sharing my fragile emotional state. He said, "well of course. You brought your baby home here."
Yes. Yes! That is it. And so much more. I am not just leaving this house where I brought home my sweet baby girl. I am leaving this neighborhood where Aaron and I started a new life together. We celebrated our 2nd anniversary driving around Belmont Heights looking for a house to live in. I started teaching and he started school and we grew up together in our little house on 3rd st.
Then the babies came. I have puffed up these hills during all 3 pregnancies. I have pushed all 3 babies, in different strollers on these streets. After James was born, the 3 of us would take hours long walks by the water during his fussy evening times. Now Aaron takes the kids on Saturday morning to Aroma Di Roma for croissants. He started when William was a baby. We spent Lilly's first summer in this backyard watching the brothers play in the mud hole and the pool. We walk to the park, the beach, or to get ice cream. I recognize people who walk their dogs by every day. I have favorite houses, friends, and restaurants just down the street. This is my neighborhood. This is my home.
I have always been a person who likes adventure. New places and new things excite me. This does not mean, however, that I don't hold onto the past. As much as I joyfully anticipate creating a new life in our new home, I mourn leaving this life. It is not easy to say goodbye.
I should be packing right now. There are still some full cupboards in the kitchen. But my head is pounding and my heart is full and I need a break. Writing is cathartic. I know that for new beginnings to come, we must first have an ending. I am looking forward to our new beginning. I am especially looking forward to being done with boxes. That will be a good ending.
We've had 9 wonderful years here. Where will we be after 9 more? That is a thought that makes my head pound even more. I better get back to those boxes.
Goodbye neighborhood. I'll miss you.
2 comments:
My dear friend, I can so relate to what you are going through! Although I don't have that "rootedness" in a neighborhood, I know the pain of saying goodbye to a home. And although I have moved many times, the hardest move was leaving our home in Belgium because that is where I brought my first baby home. I was SO ready to move back to the states, but I grieved over leaving that house! I am excited for you as you set out on the next part of your adventure! Have fun setting up house!
I know everything you guys have been through in that house; birthday party's, lost teeth, potty training, and or course, Lilly. I'm going to miss that house too, but i absoulutely love your new house already!
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