The last 2 years have been full of sunshine.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of my due date that never was.
To every one else, just another day to mark off on the calender.
But to me, a day forever etched in my heart.
After 2 years the pain has lessened.
I read these words that I wrote last year, the day I was hoping would be the one when I would meet my baby.
It's different now.
Not so much that searing grief as a deep sadness.
I wonder what might have been.
I wonder about the life that wasn't lived out.
And, I still miss my dear little fourth baby.
Whenever I see daffodils I think of my Baby Dear.
Aaron gave me a card this morning that had this verse in it:
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
And that, dear friends, is true.
Through these 2 very hard years, God has brought me comfort in so many different and unexpected ways.
Our miscarriage was the beginning of some very rough times for Aaron and I.
And so, as I was mourning the loss of our baby, I was also mourning my marriage.
But in the end, God brought comfort.
I am not saying things were magically "all better" like nothing was ever wrong.
What I am saying is that after the mourning, and the clinging to Him through it, God brought comfort.
It is like I said in this post, "weeping may tarry for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
And even in those times that I felt very alone, I never was.
God was there.
And He showed Himself in many ways.
In the friend who brought me a candle, sat on the couch with me and cried with me.
In the flowers left on my porch.
In the notes I got, some from you who read my blog and I have never even met.
In the offers from friends and family to take the kids so I could rest.
In the comments left here.
In the meals people brought.
In all the gestures, from small to grand, that were made and that brought comfort to my aching heart, God was there.
"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40
You see, you never know how your small act of kindness will minister to someone's heart and bring them comfort.
You never know how much those cookies you made will bless someone.
I have learned much through this loss.
I have learned the value of reaching out to others in honesty instead of hiding and putting on a brave face.
That doesn't help me, nor can it help anyone else.
Instead, I am learning to comfort others with the comfort I have received. ( 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4)
I am so glad that my little one's life made an impact on mine, even though it was only with me for 12 short weeks.
Thank you again for walking with me through those days of hurt.
Thank you for being living kindness to me.
Thank you for giving me this place to remember.