Wednesday, October 27, 2010

So In Love

2 and a half weeks ago, while we were on vacation, I took a pregnancy test.
It was the first time I'd used one of the expensive ones.  Usually I buy the cheapest one.  You know the kind that have the 2 pink lines, or the 1 blue line and 1 pink line, or the 1 pink line and 1 blue double line, and so on and so on.  The pregnancy tests that make me look at the test and the directions and back at the test and back at the directions about 20 times to make sure I am reading the result correctly. I walk out of the bathroom and then walk back in a few minutes later to check it all over again.
This time I didn't want to mess around.
It was amazing to see "PREGNANT" on that tiny screen and know instantly what I had known all along: we are having a baby!




I plan on writing all about that day, because it was so wonderful and such a precious gift from God, but right now I'm fast forwarding to today.
Today I had an ultrasound.

While met with great joy, this pregnancy has been different from any of my others.  There is a shadow and all of us feel it.  We feel more vulnerable.  We have hope.  But we have fear too.
From the beginning, without any prompting from us, the boys have prayed for this baby.  They pray for it to grow healthy and strong.  They pray that it won't die.  
They are not sad when they pray this.  They are matter of fact, they are hopeful and they trust that God will hear their prayer.  But they are not afraid to pray that prayer and to admit that the fear is there.
I appreciate that about them.  And I echo their prayers.
I remember this:
"who of you by worrying can add one hour to your lives?"
I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I am rejoicing in today.


I always feel nervous waiting for that first time to see the heartbeat.  Today was no different.  Except that nervousness was intensified.
And when the ultrasound tech found that tiny, white spot and she said, "someone is in there and it's heart is beating away," my own heart swelled with joy and hope and LOVE.
This is my 5th baby and I am still in awe that I can love something so tiny and so new so very, very much.
That little life matters.


I looked at Aaron with tears in my eyes and we grinned and cried and he squeezed my hand because we were looking at our baby.
And more than I could ever tell you, this baby is our miracle.


I want to shout it from the mountain tops that GOD IS GOOD!


I am so in love already.


...........................................................................................................


Expected arrival of the newest Eskridge: June 20, 2011.
The boys already refer to the baby as her.  They are quite certain Lilly needs a sister.  After all, they have each other and she should have someone too.
Lilly wants a baby sister also.  Although she refuses to admit she will then become a big sister.  She responds every time with this, "no, I'm the little sister."  Perhaps she is worried about losing her current ranking as ruler of the house.
Aaron was pro girl too.  Until I pointed out that meant we'd have 2 teenage daughters at the same time.  That scared him.
No matter who we get, we are joyfully looking forward to meeting another brother or sister next June.
And we're praying a lot.
I'd so appreciate it if you'd pray along with us.


Much love from,
Greta


PS.  And yes, I am excruciatingly tired.  Like falling asleep while I read to them on the couch every afternoon tired, like put in a movie for them so I can take a nap tired, like falling asleep at 7 o clock tired.
It's hard to get much done beyond the necessities.
And some days it is hard to do even those.
Cause I am also sick.
Like complain a lot sick, even though I try not to.
It doesn't matter how many times I do this, I always forget how hard it is.
One of the greatest beauties of pregnancy and childbirth is the forgetting.
Postings may, or may not, be sparse for a bit here.
And I have totally been craving chocolate milk!
I think I'll go have a glass right now.

21 comments:

Lillian said...

It has been very hard to keep this secret We are over the moon with joy and we pray for this baby daily and often. He or she is much loved!!

katie said...

What wonderful news! I am so thrilled for your family. We will be adding Baby to our prayers. Get that rest now, Lady...you are going to need it come June!
Love,
Katie

Four Flights said...

Congratulations Greta! So happy for you and your growing family :)

mygirl said...

this is so very exciting and i am very happy for you. we look forward to meeting this new baby eskridge. congratulations! xoxo christina

Tiffany said...

congratulations!!!!

Tiffany said...

congratulations!!!!

Pam said...

Following you quietly. Loving what I see. So excited for you. I've loved that time too, with all my heart loved it. How wonderful. Ps. as a midwife, I'll say, it's such a good sign when you are extra tired and sick. Hormones are working well and it is good! Not easy, but a blessing.

Lisa H said...

Congratulations!!! So happy for you and your family. :)

Lisa said...

prayers and congratulations!!! Jack let it slip in Sunday school but I wasn't sure if it was true or he had misunderstood something...anyway your folks both asked me to keep it under wraps until you spilled the beans. I am ecstatic for you all and will be praying diligently. Have a most happy and restful day...
the Lord is so very good to us all!!!!

Terrie said...

Congratulations to you and your family. I will be praying for you all the time.

Heather at Blessed Little Nest said...

congratulations greta!! God is so good and He will see you through!

Betsi* said...

Oh Greta! My heart is so full of joy for you! I am over-the-moon for new baby Eskridge.
I have been praying him/her in since last spring. I will continue to pray for his/her safety, health, growth and life.

Alisdair said...

Happy for you... will pray for babe... still hoping for my own "miracle!" -- but maybe I am just supposed to be content in the state I'm in (with two healthy kiddos)... a blessing from God, for sure... Hang on to hope...

Denise in Canada.

Erin McDonald said...

I love that you spilled the beans!! I love secrets and all but this news is too good to keep to your self!! I am so very happy for you my dear friend! I love you and am praying for you guys! I can't wait to meet baby little!
Smooooch!

Anonymous said...

Your prose is beautiful! I am so happy to hear your news and even thought you might be sharing such news soon. Even though I don't pray the same as you, I do pray for you and your newest JOY! Let us know if BC is too much, or if you'd like me to bring some of my famous F & E desserts! Congrats to you and yours! (Ash)

Kitty said...

Wonderful news! I'm due June 20th as well, and it was my first time using those fancy new tests! Congratulations!!!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! Take it easy and no stress during your pregnancy! Best wishes to you :)

Annie said...

I am so happy for you! :)

valerie said...

greta, I missed this post so congrats! I saw your pumpkin seed post, and missed this one....so yipee...and hope you feel better with each day...take good care...hugs

Anonymous said...

Greta - I miss seeing you on Tuesdays and wanted to catch up with you via your blog. I am thrilled that you are pregnant again and the girls and I will be praying for your little one. He/she will share my birthday of June 20th! Love, Shelly

ohabbyreally said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you and your growing family! x